A time for everything under the sun...

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time to harvest
A time to kill and a time to heal
A time to tear down and a time to build up
A time to cry and a time to laugh
A time to grieve and a time to dance
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones
A time to embrace and a time to turn away
A time to search and a time to quit searching
A time to keep and a time to throw away
A time to tear and a time to mend
A time to be quiet and a time to speak

A time to love and a time to hate

A time for war and a time for peace

The last few days I have been absolutely amazed at the detailed perfection of God and his timing. He never misses a moment and he is so patient in dealing with me, his daughter. He gently guides me and prepares my heart for things that will come my way. He orchestrates the details of my life so that when I cooperate and even when I don’t he will cover my mistakes and help me to learn… he is full of grace and his mercies truly are new every morning.

I love this scripture in Ecclesiastes because it reminds me that though feelings come and go as quickly as the wind, God is constant. He never changes and though I will live in moments of sadness and joy and life and death… His goodness never changes. What a beautiful God … I am truly grateful that I serve a living God that will not fail me.

We had a very good service tonight. Lisa was finishing up a series on Relationships and we were talking about the timing of God and that it is good to wait and in making decisions we need to be prayerfully considering them and seek counsel and research it out… whether that is a relationship or a job or school or whatever… I was very challenged and encouraged…

I so wonder what the future will bring but as daddy often reminds me, Tomorrow will worry about itself baby… Ok Dad. Tonight I will listen and take it to heart. :)

The Daily Life of a Missionary

You know, I've been thinking a lot about what it is to "be a missionary". When I was a little girl, I used to think it sounded like such a romantic and beautiful way of life... that it would be so glorious to walk the earth spreading the truth about Jesus... to be revered and respected among a people that were not familiar to me... to hold a place of honor in the kingdom like Mother Theresa or any of the great missionaries of old, Hudson Taylor, Elisabeth and Jim Elliot... the list could go on and on. I dreamed of being a sent one... someone the church would send to the ends of the earth to do mission work. Or I would read stories of the persecuted church and think how glorious it would be to stand in the company of those who died for not renouncing Jesus. I think a lot of my idealism was radical & naive and I never took into account the life that leads up to a glorious legacy. Each one of those men and women had to learn the daily discipline of laying their life down for the cross; to pick up their own crosses and follow Jesus. It was no easy task and as a young girl I used to think, “Oh I could do that!!” Not taking into account the baptism of fire, the testing that would refine one's character to be able to withstand the attacks, the life of loneliness from human closeness and instead a wonderful hidden and intimate walking with the Lord... Not thinking about the cost to the human dreams. As I’ve been on this journey… it’s only been 3 months. Sometimes that seems like a long time and other times it feels like it’s just a breath. I have learned so much. I have laid down a lot of my own hurts, joys, dreams… anything that is ME. And God is testing me by fire. I know he is. My whole life has been a learning to walk as a woman of God. I had moments of confidence… but then I would falter and fall back into insecurity and an unwillingness to move forward.

This last week during one of the prayer times I was telling the Lord that I was going to sit in quietness… to sit back and wait for his leading… that I was not going to pursue the visions and dreams in my heart until he told me I was ready and it was time to begin the work. I would work what was in front of me and he could take the dreams he had given to me and bury them and let them die if he wanted… I laid them on the alter for good if you will… And I told him, “OK God, I believe you gave me those dreams… but until it is time, I will sit back and I will follow the leaders ahead of me and I will not put myself out there, until you bring me to the place where I can speak for you. I won’t force my way to the front to share your Word. I will wait until you open the door and until you SHOW me it is my time.”

Not 5 minutes after I poured out that prayer to the Lord Pastor Doug asked me to come to the middle of our prayer circle and he said, “Kim the Lord has a word for you this morning.” You gotta be kidding! Wow, Lord… here is some of what he shared with me.

You have come through the baptism of fire and God’s word is well done good and faithful servant. You have had to endure and go through trials that many people will never face in their lifetime, but it was part of Gods plan for you so that you could understand and have compassion on people all around you… your relationship with Christ is like the Footprints Poem… you have walked side by side with the Lord and when you couldn’t stand anymore or walk the Lord carried you. He has a close relationship with you that will only continue to grow in intimacy if you will let him. It’s time to put aside childish ways and childish things… The Lord has called you to be his mouthpiece to the women in the church all over the world. You will travel and share the truth and will be mighty in the kingdom. You came through the fire so you could speak and so you could understand. You have been given a portion of EACH of the 5-fold ministries (Eph 4:11). You will teach, preach, evangelize, prophesy and pastor. You will know the Lord as Jesus did and will do greater things than even he did. (John 14:12 – Most assuredly I say to you he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to my Father.) Now you must commit yourself to the study of the word and of HIM (2 Tim 2:15 – Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.). You will have closeness with God like you always longed for. You must remember that God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). This sound mind is helpful and even necessary for hearing the spirit of the Lord and for prophecy and working and operating in the gifts of the Holy Spirit even as we are learning in Bible College right now. Listen to the soft words of the Lord and the leading of the Spirit. You can’t look at the past and expect to go forward. The past is not the mirror to look in, even the reputation or image I had at home before I came here. The word of God is my mirror (James 1:22-25) that will show me WHO I am and what I am. God doesn’t want you to be like Lot’s wife (Gen 19:26) who looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. I need to continue to lay aside the past. God is going to restore me. A spirit of wholeness is upon you. And remember, with great vision comes great responsibility.

I have learned so much since I was that young girl dreaming of leaving little old Aberdeen and as I am reminded almost daily; I have so much yet to learn. I felt the weight of the responsibility and realized that I must continue to take the humble position of a servant…. God is continuing to bring me to a place where I must seek him from the depths of my being… I cannot sit back and wait for someone else to show me what to do. It is time to stand up and start running the race. I have been training for a long time and there is more to learn and always will be, but it is time.

And I think as the church we all need to stand up and start pressing in more and more. There is no reason why those that have been in the church for years should not be actively pursuing Jesus and doing the work of the ministry… praying for those that are sick, doing more than just living our daily lives… going to work, spending time with the kids, making dinner watching some tv and then going to bed… I do not want to come back to a routine of daily living not seeking God and growing closer to Him and sharing the truth of Jesus by the life I live. Oh God make us desperate for you… and help us to live lives that are worth something. Thank you for faithful men and women at home that are actively pursuing you that are working the ministry. And Jesus, thank you for building your church in Grays Harbor. How is it that whenever I go somewhere else the Lord always gives me a stronger vision and love for home? I know I will continue to travel in the coming years… I will continue to share and to preach the Gospel… but I think God will continue to grow this deep longing in my heart for my hometown to be overcome with the Life and Truth of Jesus Christ. I will always come home to you dear people in Aberdeen. You hold a place in my heart that can never be shared or forgotten or lost. And I will always pray for you, I will always love you and I will always believe that Christ will break through the strongholds on the Harbor!

I wonder what the next few years’ hold… how the rest of my life will unfold, but more than that I will enjoy every day leading to that life. I will LIVE. I will walk in forgiveness and mercy. I will not hold things in my heart that will divide me from the presence of my God. If it kills every part of my human nature then so be it. I WILL walk in the Spirit and learn to love with the Love of Christ. I will pray for those that have hurt me and let them go to the Lord and to be used by the Lord. God uses whomever he wishes. I am not God and I choose to speak blessing and life to those around me. God have your way!

So, on another note – I was thinking instead of reposting a bunch of pictures I would direct ya’ll to check out my myspace page – www.myspace.com/kimberleylovesjesus. It has a LOT of updated pictures from Haiti. I should have some more today. We are going to the beach to thank all the workers that helped at the Pastors Conference. It is going to be a blast!! J

Thanks for all your love and support. I can’t wait to come home and share with as many of you that will listen to the memories of a missionary. 59 days is ticking by.

This road...

Well, much has happened – again in life. Today was a day of craziness… as many days are. I found moments of peace, but in my heart I was lost today… feeling much like a young girl with no understanding of what I am doing… or where I am going. I was spending some much needed alone quiet time on the roof, listening to my I-pod and I was listening to a song by Ginny Owens called, This Road. My heart echoed the words that she sang… I’d like to share them with you.

A million miles away from anything familiar
A thousand places I would rather be
So choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
Though I find it hard to see beyond my own suffering
In my heart I know your plan is so much bigger
But this small part is all I can see and I believe you haven’t left me here to wander
Still I can’t help but ponder where you’re leading me

And I ask why this road, why this way and this load
And tell me how far must I go
‘Till I see, ‘till I know
Why this road

A million miles away from anything familiar
What was it like to be so far from home?
Though you came in love the world misunderstood you
There must have been some days when you felt so alone
But you endure; cause there was joy before you
Joy that came because you sacrificed
Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me
Sure I can trust you’ll lead me through my darkest times
When I ask why…

From here I cannot see why you’d choose this path for me
But I don’t have to understand to believe that you know why
You know why this road, why this way and this load
You know how far I must go till I see, till I know why this road.

There are days when I know I am here for a reason and then times come over when all I can think about is being home in the arms of my loved ones. Curled up in daddy’s lap and just being with mom and dad… safe and secure in that place of home.

I have been so challenged lately… most of it has been incredibly good, a lot of the lessons very hard and difficult to learn. Redundant to say both isn’t it? But that is how God is sometimes, patiently reminding me and bringing me through his discipline and growth with love and care. I am so stubborn sometimes and so difficult to teach. Lord knows he is helping me to be teachable!

I am so not perfect, and if it takes the Lord stripping away every bit of my own self and reputation to bring me to the place of a humble servant of the King then, Lord continue these lessons.

It is difficult to try and put this into words that would make sense… maybe someday I will be able to verbalize it better… but I will say that daily life is changing and molding me into the woman that I have always longed to be. There have been many FUN and adventurous and humorous and heartbreaking things that have happened in the last few weeks since I’ve blogged. Let me share a few of the stories with pictures!! :o) Thank you mommy and daddy for the camera! I love it so much and I use it often!!

I am sorry if I repeat myself when telling stories, it is hard to remember what order and when things took place… a lot of my life here in Haiti seems to be a blur. Lol.

So – shortly after Jess left the 4 of us left, Steve, Rebekah, Joe and I had some real bonding time over cracking open a fresh coconut that Steve retrieved from a tree in the yard. It was fantastic!! And quite amusing to watch Steve and Rebekah attempting to hack it open Haitian style with a machete! Lol. That was a good night full of good memories that I will hold and treasure forever. We also had a fun day soon after that where we had real beef hot dogs and s’mores! We put together a fire on the front lawn an afternoon that felt like a summer picnic at home. It was wonderful. The Haitians were in awe and laughed in amusement as they watched us cook hotdogs and our marshmallows and chocolate on crackers. Almost all of our staff tried the s’mores and we heard many exclamations of “Le BON!” It’s good! Lol. That was a lot of fun!

A couple days later I was allowed to ride again to Port au Prince to drop off Devin and Jane. I was sad to see them go, but I was very grateful for the time that I had with them. They were a huge support and encouragement I know not only to me, but also to Marc and Lisa and the people here. Devin shared a message when he was here from 2 Chron 7:14 “The if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heave and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” It challenged us as a church and a family here and after they left we called the church together for a week of fasting and prayer. We got together at 5 a.m. and 5 p.m. every day for 5 days. It was an incredible time of healing and repentance and preparation for the next week where we were going to be having a conference with Pastor Dale Mitchell from LeDuc Canada. What a blessing he has been. But now I am getting ahead of myself.

Jess came back in the company of Pastor Dale on the 1^st of February. I was so excited to see her my sister and my friend. I missed her so much while she was away though the weeks that she was gone were quite necessary for her as well as for many of us. For me, it was very good to have some time to HAVE to establish myself here. As an individual not only as her partner, lol. I did miss her though and was so excited to have her home! She came bearing many, MANY gifts! She spoiled me rotten! She brought with 3 glass-bottled frappucinos! They were amazing. I miss Starbucks so much and it was such a treat. :D She brought lots of chocolate as if I didn’t have enough with the stash that came with Devin and Jane! She brought me the entire collection of Christy on DVD, which I am sad to admit, is part of why I have not blogged in 2 weeks. There were 24 episodes approximately and I finished it in a total of about 5 days. I don’t even know how that is possible really!!! But it was amazing!

I had my first adventure cooking in Haiti. Now, some of you may think no big deal. But I’ll tell you – it is a huge deal!! I really don’t’ cook generally – ever. I have taken up the saying that I just better marry someone who likes to cook! I can bake some yummy things, but actual cooking is not something I necessarily enjoy or have any practice at all. I don’t know how I survived 2 years on my own apart from microwavable foods and an income to support those foods. Lol. And a couple of good friends that had me over every so often for a real meal. I am sure I can cook okay if I put my mind to it… but ya. Anyway – I am known around here at the house that I don’t cook. I am a girl that can’t cook. In Haitian culture, this is not good. It is basically diminishing my worth and value as a woman. (okay maybe not that dramatic, but it sure sounds more important!) Lisa and Marc have been doing a series on relationships on Sunday nights for the last few months and I happened to come up in one of the sermons that I don’t cook. There was shock and surprise that came out in the Haitians exclamations… and I have never been able to live it down. Many of my friends here tease me about it… but I am very happy to say that I did in fact at least help with cooking lasagna. It was wonderful. I usually hate lasagna but I’ll tell you what – this was YUMMY! We had to improvise because we didn’t have any cottage cheese handy we used sour cream. I thought it sounded sick, but the taste was quite surprising!! I might have to attempt it at home someday. Lol.

The last thing that I want to talk about is the Pastors conference that we had this last week. I am still kinda tired from it, though it was very encouraging and challenging. There were over 400 pastors and leaders at this conference -- 100 more than the January conference… and Pastor Dale talked out of Leviticus. It was so challenging. He has such a way of bringing the Old Testament to life. I have always found the Old Testament to be fascinating and used to spend hours reading through the books, pouring over the prophets and the poetry books and the history. I soaked it up, but even this last week many new revelations hit me… you don’t think about it much, but he brought up the fact that Paul and all of the New Testament apostles had to preach Jesus from the Old Testament. They brought people to the revelation of Jesus Christ by preaching the truth of him fulfilling the Old Testament. How then can we as the church today neglect the whole truth of his word? I was so encouraged and challenged.

We had a great time at the beach yesterday with Dale. Some of our friends were at the beach selling their art and stuff for a group of missionaries that happened to be there from the US and Canada. That was kind of neat to visit with some other white people. After they all cleared out we had the beach to ourselves and enjoyed a swim in the ocean and a couple of lambi (seafood!!) and some fresh lobster that came straight out of the ocean, cooked over a fire and served with a yummy spicy lime sauce. It was wonderful. We were in a picture takin mood so I have a couple I must share! :o)

Thanks again for taking the time to read this. Hopefully the next blog will not take me 2 weeks to get to.

I’ll see some of you dear ones at home in 65 days. I cannot believe that is all that is left. It’s really quite incredible. Today felt like it would be an eternity before I get to see you, I was missing home so much… but I have a feeling tomorrow will bring a sense of purpose again in being here… not for myself or my own ambitions, but for the plans of God for Haiti Arise and for HIS Kingdom to be advanced in this place. It’s not about me anyway… thanks be to God!