Pondering

So I have been thinking a lot this morning after posting earlier... it dawned on me how strange it is that I am living something today that I dreamt about when I was a little girl. I don't know why but I have been on the verge of tears for a good portion of today and I realize that I have had so many big dreams for my life. I used to sit in school and day dream about living in another place. Being a missionary like Amy Carmichael or Elisabeth Elliot and wondering how they felt... dreaming about that life. Hoping someday God would use me like that. I wondered if they ever felt lonely... I think they probably did. But I know too I need to rely on God for my strength. In times when I miss home so bad I think I could burst out crying or that my heart may actually break in pieces...

Then I must remember that He is my strength and my portion. That I cannot always be looking at the next thing... but I must learn to live in today. Because today God has a plan for me. Not just tomorrow or in 5 years... but today there is life to be lived. Today I am living a part of the dream. God help me to live in the present and not to hold on so tightly to things that I cannot have yet... things I am sure I cannot imagine or foresee. Help me to love people here and now and to hold those loves from home in my heart. Help me to entrust them to you... knowing you will continue to build and strengthen relationships from a distance. I trust you.