Well a quick recap of the holidays -- Christmas Eve was an event filled day for sure. We had a gift ex


Another reason that I have not posted for awhile is because I have been quite sick. Nothing too serious, but they think that I have come down with a parasite, an amoeba. Whatever that means. Oh let me tell you what it means. It means that most of Christmas day I spent in the bathroom... and the following three days rotating being in the bathroom and laying in bed trying not to think about running (and I mean literally running) to the bathroom. Thankfully it is finally starting to pass. Finally.
We had a neat woman named Alice that came Christmas Day and stayed till New Years Day. She was an absolute blessing and it blows my mind that she came and went already. It's amazing how the weeks are flying by.
New Years was something else altogether. We had a big service all planned that was supposed to start at 8 p.m. Of course in Haitian time this means people will start filtering in between quarter after and 8:30... the service actually starting around 8:45. It was slow at first... but by 9:30 or so, worship was in full swing and we were dancing and shouting and praising God. Crying out for a touch from the Holy Spirit. It never ceases to amaze me, the beauty of watching these people worship and dance and praise the Lord, and I feel like a child watching in awe and dancing along with them, trying to sing the words in sync with them, knowing full well how foolish I must sound and look... but grateful for the joy and peace that is flowing through me like a river. The service ended around 1:30 in the morning after we had bread and some of the strongest ginger tea I had ever tasted. Whew, I almost still taste it burning down my throat. Lisa said it was good for killing the amoebas in my stomach! Ya whatev! LOL.
Yesterday (I can't believe it was yesterday, it seems like it was a week ago already! Time is so weird here!!), the 2 pastors couples and Joe and Rebecca (2 single amazing missionaries that will be staying for 4 & 6 months) came in from Canada. More Canadians and I the lone American here at the property... oh Jesus help me! I am thoroughly outnumbered! I think they love me even with my heritage! ;) Oh I really do love those crazy Canadians!
The pastors conference started today. Pastor Richard started off speaking... and I knew when he announced what he was speaking about that I would be challenged by my past. I have some very real pain and hurt that God is bringing me through... and though I am not all healed yet, I know God is using every means possible to help me and heal me, though Satan would try and smother me with disappointment, bitterness and not wanting to forgive those who have hurt me and my loved ones. My heart constricted inside of me when I heard him say what he was going to be speaking on and I prayed hard... God help me. I was sitting front in center literally 2 feet from him and sitting in front of all 200+ pastors running the recording and powerpoint, so I couldn't gracefully stand up and run away... so I sat there and tried to control the raging emotions inside of me. I prayed for peace and I prayed that God would help me to forgive. The things that kept coming to me were, "Kim, love your enemies and pray for those who hurt you. Whatever is lovely, whatever is pure, whatever is trustworthy, think on THESE things... CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD." I continued to run those and many other scriptures over my heart and mind while he was speaking... and through the course of the afternoon I heard 2 other sessions and though there were moments of anger and hurt and sadness, God was speaking to me... reminding me of his promises, reminding me of his love and teaching me things deep in my spirit. He is renewing me and restoring my heart, even through the pain. And though I don't think I will ever put my full confidence in people or certain organizations again, I do trust God... and I can't run forever. The fact is politics will always be a part of the church, whether they should be or not, whether I like it or not... I will not consciously put myself in the way of those who will hurt me, but if I am going to continue on this path of becoming the woman that I know he created me to be, I am going to have to face the fact that people are people, no matter what country, what organization, what group, and there will be pain and conflict and abuse, but I still must press on, trusting God and trusting who HE is in my life... and realize that I am not perfect either. And yet... he is speaking to me. and I am changing. I see this hurt and this pain, but I see the breakthrough and freedom. I see it. And I want it, and I am going to continue to press through. And press into God and I will fight until I can find that freedom and peace, though it come through much suffering and struggle... I KNOW that my life is beginning, my journey is truly starting... and I am so excited. Though I am trembling in fear and awe before the face and plans of my God, I feel joy bubbling from somewhere deep inside at something I don't yet understand... and I see hope...
There is always more to say... but I hope this gives you a glimpse and an understanding of where I am at today... I dearly miss you all at home and pray that God is keeping you strong and building your faith. Never lose heart... He is faithful and is doing a good thing in us, his Bride, his Body, his Church today.
Blessings...
6 comments:
Kim,
Amazing isn't He. Keep pressing in and facing the uncomfortable. I'll be praying.
Love you,
Kris
Kim, don't you worry, you won't lose me on your readership (I have you on bloglines so I know when you post)...I feel like God will take us all on a journey as you share yours. Much of what you said touched me and makes me more willing to let Him do that in my life, too. We were just talking about trust tonight and realizing only He can restore faith when our trust has been broken.
Love you and miss you! I love seeing and hearing what you're up to!
Kim, you are awesome for Jesus! Hang in there. Look at all the cool stuff God is teaching you! I read your blog almost everyday. SO don't give up and keep sharing your heart. We have been praying for healing.
GO for it girl!
Love,
Pastor Rick
Kim, I love it when you post. You don't know how much your blogs touch my life and challenge me to be a better woman following after God as well. I love you and I love your heart for God. It helps me see a better vision for my life as you are leading yours. :)
I read your blog anytime I can get to it and you have written something. I LOVE having this so I can really feel like i'm there with you. I'm praying for you and thinking about you all the time.
Much love,
Kim, Doug and I pray for you daily. I was so blessed to read your post. Someone once told me "if God is working in your life, it means you are teachable" I can think of nothing better that I would like to be. Healing will come because, although it is hard, you are willing to let God work!!!!! Oh girl, the blessings God will be able to pour out into your life - whew, WOW -
Cheryl
Kim, Doug and I pray for you daily. I was so blessed to read your post. Someone once told me "if God is working in your life, it means you are teachable" I can think of nothing better that I would like to be. Healing will come because, although it is hard, you are willing to let God work!!!!! Oh girl, the blessings God will be able to pour out into your life - whew, WOW -
Cheryl
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