With the new year comes a serious vision and light for the future //

Well I surely hope that I have not lost my whole reader base because I haven't posted in over a week -- again. I do apologize to those who have been faithful to check in on my life postings. :o) I have had SO MUCH going on in life and have been rather lazy in remembering to post. I would like to share with you some of the recent events and thoughts and prayers of my heart.

Well a quick recap of the holidays -- Christmas Eve was an event filled day for sure. We had a gift exchange between the staff and the missionary family group here... 20 of us in all. That was an absolute hullabaloo, let me tell you!! And we went to the beach on Christmas Eve (who woulda thunk it!?) I kept telling Steve it felt like we were trying to play a trick on someone and we were trying to convince someone that it was Christmas Day in the middle of July. It certainly didn't feel like Christmas, though we made the best of it. I got some great gifts! A beautiful skirt, a shell, a shirt that I fell in love with at the festival in Vallue and a homemade picture frame with my name carved in it. We spent the whole day with the staff, first at the beach playing in the water (this has never happened and was an immense pleasure for all of us!), then we had a huge feast (my Indian fry bread dough didn't turn out, and therefore did not make it as part of the Christmas feast) and then our gift exchange. It was such a pleasant day, though I missed home desperately.

Another reason that I have not posted for awhile is because I have been quite sick. Nothing too serious, but they think that I have come down with a parasite, an amoeba. Whatever that means. Oh let me tell you what it means. It means that most of Christmas day I spent in the bathroom... and the following three days rotating being in the bathroom and laying in bed trying not to think about running (and I mean literally running) to the bathroom. Thankfully it is finally starting to pass. Finally.

We had a neat woman named Alice that came Christmas Day and stayed till New Years Day. She was an absolute blessing and it blows my mind that she came and went already. It's amazing how the weeks are flying by.

New Years was something else altogether. We had a big service all planned that was supposed to start at 8 p.m. Of course in Haitian time this means people will start filtering in between quarter after and 8:30... the service actually starting around 8:45. It was slow at first... but by 9:30 or so, worship was in full swing and we were dancing and shouting and praising God. Crying out for a touch from the Holy Spirit. It never ceases to amaze me, the beauty of watching these people worship and dance and praise the Lord, and I feel like a child watching in awe and dancing along with them, trying to sing the words in sync with them, knowing full well how foolish I must sound and look... but grateful for the joy and peace that is flowing through me like a river. The service ended around 1:30 in the morning after we had bread and some of the strongest ginger tea I had ever tasted. Whew, I almost still taste it burning down my throat. Lisa said it was good for killing the amoebas in my stomach! Ya whatev! LOL.

Yesterday (I can't believe it was yesterday, it seems like it was a week ago already! Time is so weird here!!), the 2 pastors couples and Joe and Rebecca (2 single amazing missionaries that will be staying for 4 & 6 months) came in from Canada. More Canadians and I the lone American here at the property... oh Jesus help me! I am thoroughly outnumbered! I think they love me even with my heritage! ;) Oh I really do love those crazy Canadians!

The pastors conference started today. Pastor Richard started off speaking... and I knew when he announced what he was speaking about that I would be challenged by my past. I have some very real pain and hurt that God is bringing me through... and though I am not all healed yet, I know God is using every means possible to help me and heal me, though Satan would try and smother me with disappointment, bitterness and not wanting to forgive those who have hurt me and my loved ones. My heart constricted inside of me when I heard him say what he was going to be speaking on and I prayed hard... God help me. I was sitting front in center literally 2 feet from him and sitting in front of all 200+ pastors running the recording and powerpoint, so I couldn't gracefully stand up and run away... so I sat there and tried to control the raging emotions inside of me. I prayed for peace and I prayed that God would help me to forgive. The things that kept coming to me were, "Kim, love your enemies and pray for those who hurt you. Whatever is lovely, whatever is pure, whatever is trustworthy, think on THESE things... CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD." I continued to run those and many other scriptures over my heart and mind while he was speaking... and through the course of the afternoon I heard 2 other sessions and though there were moments of anger and hurt and sadness, God was speaking to me... reminding me of his promises, reminding me of his love and teaching me things deep in my spirit. He is renewing me and restoring my heart, even through the pain. And though I don't think I will ever put my full confidence in people or certain organizations again, I do trust God... and I can't run forever. The fact is politics will always be a part of the church, whether they should be or not, whether I like it or not... I will not consciously put myself in the way of those who will hurt me, but if I am going to continue on this path of becoming the woman that I know he created me to be, I am going to have to face the fact that people are people, no matter what country, what organization, what group, and there will be pain and conflict and abuse, but I still must press on, trusting God and trusting who HE is in my life... and realize that I am not perfect either. And yet... he is speaking to me. and I am changing. I see this hurt and this pain, but I see the breakthrough and freedom. I see it. And I want it, and I am going to continue to press through. And press into God and I will fight until I can find that freedom and peace, though it come through much suffering and struggle... I KNOW that my life is beginning, my journey is truly starting... and I am so excited. Though I am trembling in fear and awe before the face and plans of my God, I feel joy bubbling from somewhere deep inside at something I don't yet understand... and I see hope...

There is always more to say... but I hope this gives you a glimpse and an understanding of where I am at today... I dearly miss you all at home and pray that God is keeping you strong and building your faith. Never lose heart... He is faithful and is doing a good thing in us, his Bride, his Body, his Church today.

Blessings...