The Daily Life of a Missionary

You know, I've been thinking a lot about what it is to "be a missionary". When I was a little girl, I used to think it sounded like such a romantic and beautiful way of life... that it would be so glorious to walk the earth spreading the truth about Jesus... to be revered and respected among a people that were not familiar to me... to hold a place of honor in the kingdom like Mother Theresa or any of the great missionaries of old, Hudson Taylor, Elisabeth and Jim Elliot... the list could go on and on. I dreamed of being a sent one... someone the church would send to the ends of the earth to do mission work. Or I would read stories of the persecuted church and think how glorious it would be to stand in the company of those who died for not renouncing Jesus. I think a lot of my idealism was radical & naive and I never took into account the life that leads up to a glorious legacy. Each one of those men and women had to learn the daily discipline of laying their life down for the cross; to pick up their own crosses and follow Jesus. It was no easy task and as a young girl I used to think, “Oh I could do that!!” Not taking into account the baptism of fire, the testing that would refine one's character to be able to withstand the attacks, the life of loneliness from human closeness and instead a wonderful hidden and intimate walking with the Lord... Not thinking about the cost to the human dreams. As I’ve been on this journey… it’s only been 3 months. Sometimes that seems like a long time and other times it feels like it’s just a breath. I have learned so much. I have laid down a lot of my own hurts, joys, dreams… anything that is ME. And God is testing me by fire. I know he is. My whole life has been a learning to walk as a woman of God. I had moments of confidence… but then I would falter and fall back into insecurity and an unwillingness to move forward.

This last week during one of the prayer times I was telling the Lord that I was going to sit in quietness… to sit back and wait for his leading… that I was not going to pursue the visions and dreams in my heart until he told me I was ready and it was time to begin the work. I would work what was in front of me and he could take the dreams he had given to me and bury them and let them die if he wanted… I laid them on the alter for good if you will… And I told him, “OK God, I believe you gave me those dreams… but until it is time, I will sit back and I will follow the leaders ahead of me and I will not put myself out there, until you bring me to the place where I can speak for you. I won’t force my way to the front to share your Word. I will wait until you open the door and until you SHOW me it is my time.”

Not 5 minutes after I poured out that prayer to the Lord Pastor Doug asked me to come to the middle of our prayer circle and he said, “Kim the Lord has a word for you this morning.” You gotta be kidding! Wow, Lord… here is some of what he shared with me.

You have come through the baptism of fire and God’s word is well done good and faithful servant. You have had to endure and go through trials that many people will never face in their lifetime, but it was part of Gods plan for you so that you could understand and have compassion on people all around you… your relationship with Christ is like the Footprints Poem… you have walked side by side with the Lord and when you couldn’t stand anymore or walk the Lord carried you. He has a close relationship with you that will only continue to grow in intimacy if you will let him. It’s time to put aside childish ways and childish things… The Lord has called you to be his mouthpiece to the women in the church all over the world. You will travel and share the truth and will be mighty in the kingdom. You came through the fire so you could speak and so you could understand. You have been given a portion of EACH of the 5-fold ministries (Eph 4:11). You will teach, preach, evangelize, prophesy and pastor. You will know the Lord as Jesus did and will do greater things than even he did. (John 14:12 – Most assuredly I say to you he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to my Father.) Now you must commit yourself to the study of the word and of HIM (2 Tim 2:15 – Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.). You will have closeness with God like you always longed for. You must remember that God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). This sound mind is helpful and even necessary for hearing the spirit of the Lord and for prophecy and working and operating in the gifts of the Holy Spirit even as we are learning in Bible College right now. Listen to the soft words of the Lord and the leading of the Spirit. You can’t look at the past and expect to go forward. The past is not the mirror to look in, even the reputation or image I had at home before I came here. The word of God is my mirror (James 1:22-25) that will show me WHO I am and what I am. God doesn’t want you to be like Lot’s wife (Gen 19:26) who looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. I need to continue to lay aside the past. God is going to restore me. A spirit of wholeness is upon you. And remember, with great vision comes great responsibility.

I have learned so much since I was that young girl dreaming of leaving little old Aberdeen and as I am reminded almost daily; I have so much yet to learn. I felt the weight of the responsibility and realized that I must continue to take the humble position of a servant…. God is continuing to bring me to a place where I must seek him from the depths of my being… I cannot sit back and wait for someone else to show me what to do. It is time to stand up and start running the race. I have been training for a long time and there is more to learn and always will be, but it is time.

And I think as the church we all need to stand up and start pressing in more and more. There is no reason why those that have been in the church for years should not be actively pursuing Jesus and doing the work of the ministry… praying for those that are sick, doing more than just living our daily lives… going to work, spending time with the kids, making dinner watching some tv and then going to bed… I do not want to come back to a routine of daily living not seeking God and growing closer to Him and sharing the truth of Jesus by the life I live. Oh God make us desperate for you… and help us to live lives that are worth something. Thank you for faithful men and women at home that are actively pursuing you that are working the ministry. And Jesus, thank you for building your church in Grays Harbor. How is it that whenever I go somewhere else the Lord always gives me a stronger vision and love for home? I know I will continue to travel in the coming years… I will continue to share and to preach the Gospel… but I think God will continue to grow this deep longing in my heart for my hometown to be overcome with the Life and Truth of Jesus Christ. I will always come home to you dear people in Aberdeen. You hold a place in my heart that can never be shared or forgotten or lost. And I will always pray for you, I will always love you and I will always believe that Christ will break through the strongholds on the Harbor!

I wonder what the next few years’ hold… how the rest of my life will unfold, but more than that I will enjoy every day leading to that life. I will LIVE. I will walk in forgiveness and mercy. I will not hold things in my heart that will divide me from the presence of my God. If it kills every part of my human nature then so be it. I WILL walk in the Spirit and learn to love with the Love of Christ. I will pray for those that have hurt me and let them go to the Lord and to be used by the Lord. God uses whomever he wishes. I am not God and I choose to speak blessing and life to those around me. God have your way!

So, on another note – I was thinking instead of reposting a bunch of pictures I would direct ya’ll to check out my myspace page – www.myspace.com/kimberleylovesjesus. It has a LOT of updated pictures from Haiti. I should have some more today. We are going to the beach to thank all the workers that helped at the Pastors Conference. It is going to be a blast!! J

Thanks for all your love and support. I can’t wait to come home and share with as many of you that will listen to the memories of a missionary. 59 days is ticking by.