4 months to go and 8 days till Christmas

This pic has nothing to do with anything, but I thought for those of you who might miss my face -- here's a good reminder of how goofy I am! :)


I cannot believe that Christmas is just over a week away. I look at this past year and I am completely blown away... This time last year I had no idea what the following year had in store. I was broken and hurting and lonely... In the last year God has SURROUNDED me with life... When I thought I couldn't go on, he provided a way... when I was lonely he placed amazing friends in my life...

I was reading my journal from this last year and there were a couple entries that I thought I would share. Looking back, I didn't understand the truth of my own words at the time... I knew what I felt like God was speaking to me, but it hurt and was confusing at the time. As always, God's wisdom was incredible... and I am so grateful for what he was and IS doing...

January 1, 2007

When will I stop being a child and start to do right? When will my life begin? I feel as though I am on a bungee cord and diving off a bridge. Like I am plunging head first to the ground but then I bounce back up. I was telling Callie the other day I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff looking at everything around me on the edge of life. Looking at all the options but unsure of where to go. The question becomes... "God, will I trust you?" Please God help me! I can't do this anymore. I can't make anything happen. I can go nowhere to hide my face from you... nowhere to find relief, rest or peace. I want to find the rest and peace that comes in your presence. Fill me, change me, mold me.

Sun January 7, 2007

A promise from God: "Kim, live for me. Don't worry about why things have been happening the way they have. I see the big picture. I am setting you up. It is divine. It is OF ME that I am stripping you again from all commitments and things that would tie you to a ministry or a specific group or place. You will accomplish great things in my name, but not of you. You must be empty of YOU and full of the Holy Spirit. FOLLOW ME. I will lead you exactly where you need to be. Every relationship you have made is for a reason. This season you are in is of me."
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These posts are almost shocking to look back on... to see that almost a year later, God heard my prayers. I didn't realize it until recently. I thought he had forgotten about me. I felt cast aside. I felt useless. I felt alone. But during the last year God was building in me a desperate need for him. A realization again that I could not survive, I could not live fully until it was no longer for myself. I look back and a little over a year ago I did not know many of the people that are now dear friends to me. I look back and I smile and laugh as I think of the families that are now involved in Team USA for Haiti Arise... and they are all people that I didn't really get to know until last November after I went to Haiti with Casey. Now all these people and everyone back home that I have relationship with... I realize God was really setting me up. And it was so much bigger than just me finding a place... God is a big God and he will use whatever and whoever he chooses to accomplish his will. I feel so much peace knowing that I am living this life that he asks me to live... even when it's hard. Even when I doubt. Still he loves me and guides me and helps me to see.

I have been challenged lately by a friend here in Haiti to begin to wake up early and pray. Starting last Friday and not counting Sunday I have woken up at 5 every day to pray and seek God. And then today was the first day that Jess and I got up and starting working out! It felt so good to be up and knowing I was doing something healthy for my body and my spirit. I look forward to continuing this routine. I feel so much life in me that was missing for so long... God is breathing life into parts of me that I thought were lost and broken for good. I'm so grateful that his plans are better for me. :-)

Sometimes I feel crazy because there are moments I forget that I am really in Haiti... that home isn't right down the road. That when I call or email friends and family they aren't right there... It's so weird. t's been so refreshing, good and encouraging, though difficult sometimes, because in prayer there is intimacy with Jesus, right? No place to hide... no more running. Simply facing the goodness and mercy of the Savior. It is sweet but my heart hurts sometimes when I think of the times that I have strayed even a little and broken my Father's heart.

As for daily life... it is flying by so quickly. The project I procrastinated on was for a festival at Vallue. The board in the background was the project. :) There were booths set up everywhere and music and dancing and food. It was really neat to be a part of and I got some good Christmas gifts down!

I saw a basket that reminded me of the baskets that Grandma used to make out of Cedar, except these ones were made of BANANA LEAF!

The festival was a neat way to get out and do something different. It is so beautiful up on that hilltop too!

Church yesterday was good... there was a visiting pastor from a nearby church and he had a very good word about being ready and living for God today. It was encouraging and fun to hear another Haitian pastor get all fired up! It was like watching T.D. Jakes in another language! :) haha. Awesome!

I miss you all and hope that you are doing well!! Feel free to email me anytime, I LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing from home. It makes me smile :)